Claire

I hove oft published picture of Claire and our play together. She was however far more than just a play partner. Claire was possibly the only one I have ever loved. She had done many things in her life from Bunny girl to ships hostess on cruise liners. One day she fell preganant and life changed for her. I met Claire as her son was entering his teens and life was a little more free for her. Claire of course is not her real name nor will I ever show any identifiable pictures of her. But her story is a very real one and some of it I shall share in this new year by way of explaining the journey I believe we are all on both in life as well as the thing we do and enjoy.

Claire was by the time I met her 42, a single mum who had coped very well with a supportive father and mum. Her father was comfortably off, as one might say and she had wanted for little in her life. Her mum had died of cancer several years before I met Claire and her mums time in a specialist hospital and the care of the nurses had made a very deep impression on her. So much so that even with a degree in Psychology she decided when time now allowed to pursue a career in Nursing. So she began to retrain as a nurse somewhat late in life. As I had said she was a graduate in Psychology and she had achieved that more as a challenge to herself than any need for the qualification. You see Claire was dyslexic and found study very hard indeed. So her first degree was a triumph of will and determination to show the world that she was bright and intelligent. At school she had fallen into the routine of many dyslexic children of simply be a lazy and sometimes bad girl because that was more normal than a disability. I add these details only to show you the strength of character she was.

We often met midweek as her work in college and hospital allowed. One Thursday I was surprised by her troubled manner and when we got to the hotel where we were playing that day she explained that she had had a dejavue session that afternoon in hospital and had seen herself as she had been.

Claire had as I have said had a headstrong attitude at times. Her father had been of the loving generous type and this had contributed to Claire’s view of love being something that had to be demonstrated in some way. The ‘you don't really love if you don't give such and such’ had become a very strong part of Claire’s logic.

That day she had seen something between a patient and members of their family that had been an example of such logic. So strong was what she saw and heard that she immediately saw a good deal of her own manner and arguments she had used to get her own way in the past. Because of her change in perspective i.e. the carer of the patient, she saw the incident in a very different light. It had troubled her greatly during the remainder of the day.

I think we can all find examples in our lives that reflect this. Sometimes, just sometimes, we are allowed to see ourselves as others see us. Claire was not happy with what she saw that day and understood for the first time that love, real love is undemanding of proof, undemanding of reward, and its pleasure comes in giving not getting.

After we had talked for some time and Claire had shed a few tears she went to my bag in which my implements are kept and selected the strap. All she said was 'you know what I need'. I argued that she had learnt a real lesson and was a strapping necessary, no I wasn't going soft, Claire had to come to explain the need herself. She accepted she had learnt the lesson but she knew she had to make some recompense. Only when she had felt pain could she feel she set a part of her past to rights. Only then could she begin to move on.

I of course strapped her as she wanted and indeed was guided by her requests for 'harder'. I didn't count the strokes but estimated in excess of thirty. Built to a high level, well laid on, by her request and only finished when she felt she had settled the present debt.

She set her own level of payment that day and the lovemaking after was of the highest I had known with her. This was the first time Claire had given for love, the first time Claire had sacrificed for love and the first time she had given freely, of her love and it was intense.

The D/s relationship is a very special one between those partners who find such trust and love. Some may say Claire was only selfishly satisfying a need for penance or repentance. Those who know this scene and what we really do with it will know that is not so. Claire of course moved on and moved on a great long journey which is ongoing still. Such is the unselfish side of real D/s.

If your still watching the scene Claire all my love and I know you being looked after.